When the new school year first began, many juniors and seniors had to take longer walks now that the upper school office moved to a brand new distant hallway.
Mimi: Clear and straight forward. As we talked about in class, after organizing your article and getting some more interesting quotes, you can go back and add more interest to the lead.
Matt: Good start...maybe "Since the new school year began" instead of "when" and "have had to" instead of "had to"- just to focus it even more on the present.
Lucy: Good! Just a little idea to make it flow better- How about: "With a new coach, positive attitude, and reinvigorated squad, the Algonquin cheer force is on the road to success."
You all get an "A" for putting thought into this and meeting the deadline. Thanks. (Others, please submit for late credit.)
This fall's new television season has begun, some starring brand new teenage dramas, which the students and faculty of Algonquin have many opinions about.
Renee: Looks like a good start. You should think about rephrasing the middle clause...perhaps:
"This fall's new television season has begun, and with teen dramas returning and others starting, Algonquin students and staff have many opinions about what they like and what's just not like real life."
6 comments:
This fall's TV season has begun, and the students and teachers of Algonquin have many different opinions about their favorite shows.
Matt Handford
Is ARHS getting too big for its own good?
When the new school year first began, many juniors and seniors had to take longer walks now that the upper school office moved to a brand new distant hallway.
With more than just a new coach, attitude, and squad, the Algonquin cheer force is on the road to success.
Mimi: Clear and straight forward. As we talked about in class, after organizing your article and getting some more interesting quotes, you can go back and add more interest to the lead.
Matt: Good start...maybe "Since the new school year began" instead of "when" and "have had to" instead of "had to"- just to focus it even more on the present.
Lucy: Good! Just a little idea to make it flow better- How about: "With a new coach, positive attitude, and reinvigorated squad, the Algonquin cheer force is on the road to success."
You all get an "A" for putting thought into this and meeting the deadline. Thanks. (Others, please submit for late credit.)
-Ms. Coppens
This fall's new television season has begun, some starring brand new teenage dramas, which the students and faculty of Algonquin have many opinions about.
Renee: Looks like a good start. You should think about rephrasing the middle clause...perhaps:
"This fall's new television season has begun, and with teen dramas returning and others starting, Algonquin students and staff have many opinions about what they like and what's just not like real life."
-Ms. Coppens
Post a Comment